Dear Prince William,

Welcome to Canada, or Turtle Island as this continent is often known.  To be fair, I should be upfront in telling you that I am against the monarchy and, indeed, against rich people and military officers too - I think all should be abolished.  Given that you are all three, I hope you can see your way to reading on – that’s what I think they call noblesse oblige (doing nice things for little people like me). 

Jolly good show then, as you might say.

The reason I’m writing to you today is to ask you to convey an important message back to your grandmother, our Queen.  The people she has in charge over here in Canada have made some huge mistakes.  As you know, years ago some of your relatives (let’s not get into how you’re related) made some very important deals with the locals regarding how people like you and I could use this lovely land.  They are called treaties and they were signed by both (a) the representatives of your ancestors and (b) many of the diverse indigenous nations here in what is now called “Canada.”  

Unfortunately, since you folks stopped running the colony in 1867 the people you left in charge have completely failed to uphold the treaties The Crown signed, even though it was the law for them to do so and, later, they were enshrined in Constitution which your grandmother signed a few weeks before you were born (so you can be excused for not remembering the occasion).

In any case, today, the descendents of the indigenous people whom your ancestors signed those treaties with have had almost all their land stolen by people like me (settlers) and many are living in horrific poverty as a result of the systematic violation of their treaty rights.

Now I realize that it’s difficult to find good help these days and you and your family can’t be held totally responsible for the actions of your servants in the Canadian government, but do you think you could see your way to getting grandma to remove them?  We have this roundabout process here called parliamentary democracy but it doesn’t seem to work, and most of us can’t be bothered anyway.

I’ll remind you, if I might be so bold, that Canada, in violating the treaties your ancestors signed with the indigenous folks over here, has actually broken the terms by which it became a grown-up country.  So maybe you and granny could just take the whole thing back under your wing and we can go back to being a dominion, using the Pound, driving on the right (er, wrong) side of the street, and savouring mushy peas.

Actually, truth be told, you folks weren’t that great, given that you tried to wipe out a lot of indigenous nations and actually seized the land in the first place… and you guys also broke and ignored treaties...

Anyways, Tell Kate I liked the dress and all - very nice wedding, if a bit overdone.

Warmest regards (as are possible under the circumstances)

For a more serious engagement with these issues check out Susana Deranger's excellent piece in Briarpatch magazine, "Our Home on Native Land: A Celebration of Colonization in Canada": http://briarpatchmagazine.com/articles/view/our-home-on-native-land